you were the one

Sometimes people break up not when they’ve fallen out of love, but while they’re standing right in the middle of it. And I’ve yet to encounter a more heartbreaking truth.

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It’s been a year, and I still find myself missing you.

Maybe it’s something about first loves

I didn’t love you, but not because I didn’t want to

I didn’t love you, because I know what love is and what we shared wasn’t really love

I didn’t love you, and till this day I yearn for the chance to have you beside me

the chance to know you, and learn to love you

a chance we never had the privilege of.

It’s been a year, and the ‘what ifs’ still haunt me

I wonder if I’ll ever forget you

I wonder if these regrets will ever fade away

I’ve come to learn many things in the almost-18 years I’ve lived

but I still can’t comprehend

how someone can come into your life all so suddenly

consume your thoughts

change your perspective of the world

make you feel things you’ve never felt before

and then leave,

a blazing storm in their path

destruction

It’s been a year and I’d thought there’d be someone new

because how could something so

temporary

magical

fleeting

be so real?

and yet as I write this, the same old pain stirs in this heart

the kind of pain I’d thought I’d forgotten.

I miss you

I miss having you by my side

those memories pop into my head every now and then

they say you’re just a boy

but nobody has made me feel like you do in those few short days

not even close.

I miss the giddy feeling of my heart skipping a beat,

the feeling of laughing with you,

the feeling that everything in the world is right when I’m beside you

You made me feel such a pure, innocent, blissful, feeling

when I had storms and broken pieces and battle scars inside

I miss you

I just miss you

And I feel so silly, hoping that someday we’d meet in the future

that one day we’d be meeting for the first time again

And this time, we would have a chance

that fate would no longer be a thief

Maybe it’s something about first loves.

They say it first love hurts the most

but what about almost-first loves?

What about could-be first loves that slipped away

before you ever even got to love?

It’s been a year, and it still hurts.

I hope you’re well, I really do

and if you ever think about me

if we ever find our way back to each other

I hope you remember me.